Friday, July 1, 2011

If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Yo. It's raining heavily now and it's getting colder and colder. Hoping for a good weather tomorrow for the school bazaar. So anyways, I'm really frustrated about something so maybe I'll blog about it. I'm in this committee thingy which needs to organize this formal dinner thingy. Everytime I tried to input something, this girl will really just go against everything I say. It's so obvious that she don't have the first clue about what she's doing.  Such improper planning of things. Really hard to work with douches like her. But I'm praying to God to grant me patience, because though I make it sound really bad, it might not be that bad, really. It's just that I have a very low patience level and I really don't tolerate people who disrespect me. But, sighs. I need strength lah.

Anywaysssss, lots of my ex school friends are coming back soon! Can't wait to meet them, and just catch up=) All those schooling days with them now seems to faraway.

Made a few new friends that I always hang out with in class. Lemme introduce them to youu!!! :)


This one is Mervin. He sits next to me in class and he's hilarious. He's super duper funny and he speaks funny English. We all laugh at him cos he says the randomest things and the randomest time. He sings a lot. A LOT. And gets the lyrics all jumbled about. He dances a lot too. And he's in my church as well, I just didn't notice it because he's in the chinese congregation.


This is Poong. He's from Kudat and he's staying alone here in KK, so basically he's new to KK. But he has a house here and he's super independent. He cooks his own food, washes his own clothes etc. He does get lonely sometimes at home so we're planning to cook and have dinner at his place one day. And he has a girlfriend in Kudat awwwwww :)


This is Low Man Chung..this is the only picture of him that I can find, so don't judge :P Hahahaha he's super random too...he tells the lamest of jokes and he'll randomly shout out, Joshua why you don't wear underwear?  He's hilarious...his face is so innocent but then he's so full of bullshit you'll just love him to death haha plus, he's a great piano player. He's a big fan of classical music and he even wrote an essay on the history of music during our MUET free writing period. So yeah, usually talk about musIc with him, if we're not crapping about other stuff.

Too bad all of them speaks Chinese as their first language. But I'm improving my Chinese by talking to them.

Besides them, there's Eloise and Denise as well. Eloise sings a lot in class and I'd join her everytime and annoy the living hell out of all our other classmates. Denise, well. She's Denise, nothing's changed about her. Awesome as usual. Then there's Alice and Oh Wei Chen. They'll laugh at anything you say, which is pretty awesome, to have someone laugh at your jokes XD There's this girl Queenie, who's a huge fan of Kpop. And she draws really well. She drew an animated scene thingy of our class which is super impressive. I'll upload it once someone scans it in.

Other class, there's this girl Jacqueline Teo. She's that girl who's super fun to bully. Gullible, but nice in general. We're pretty close too, I'd say, because we tease each other a lot and stuff and she always comes over to my class and hangs out with me and Mervin.

So yeah, that's basically it. They're the people that prevents me from getting too lonely in Form 6. They'll definitely be people I won't want to forget.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Holidays!

I can't help it but think Vanessa and Yu Chen are so cute after seeing the pictures in elf's blog hahahaha i'm such a freak stalker i don't even know yu chen.

So basically it's holidays now...Went to school for 2 weeks and now it's holidays for two weeks. Honestly, I feel super guilty having holidays now. I feel so undeserving of the holidays, but hey I ain't complaining. Sorry for the super boring posts without pictures, I'm a very boring person hahahaha

So planning to study everyday during these holidays. Get things done, refresh things up...regretting not joining youth camp but ah well....wasn't a super super super big fan of camps. Sure, it's fun, but sleeping on mattresses on the floor is not really my thing. I'm not being spoilt or anything, just that I can't sleep when I'm sleeping in a strange place.

I have this urge to walk around Suria alone. I'm such a loner, but I don't even know why I feel like going to Suria. Prolly cos I heard there's elmo t shirts sold there, and i wanna go hunting for them. On another random note, the weather here in KK is really having mood swings. 1 minute it'll be scorching hot and next, it'll be raining super heavily. It's so weird. What's happening?

Sorry once again for the super unstructured post. Really random stuff all over. I can't write essays without having its rangka planned out first. So, yeah. Call me a noob :p

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Stay for a while

Crap. Yea, that's what I'm feeling right now. I gotta warn y'all, this post is not going to be happy. I'm not updating this post on my tumblr, because I think (or I like to think) that I have quite a number of followers there, so I guess in a way, my blogspot is more 'private' because less people know about it, and I don't particularly want too many people reading about how I'm feeling right now. And yes, I'm aware that this blog is public, but like I said, I think I have less traffic here.

So, today I registered for Form 6 in All Saints. Honestly, I really don't want to do Form 6. So many people told me not to go, and I know it's hard and everything. I don't want to go back to school and see the teachers and let them judge me and hold grudges against me because I'm not exactly the model student in All Saints. But again, parents get the last say. I'm really not ready to be positive about this, though I really want to be. But I got to look at the bright side for everything. Really, I'm praying that I will be.

But that's not even all, some other matters like love and everything that makes me sound so pathetic right now is bothering me. Honestly, it's killing me sometimes. So pathetic. But, you know, I need to be strong and everything. I really tend to overthink too much stuff. It's either I get super clingy to people or I block people off. It's really bad, but being human and after what I've experienced, this is what I've been doing. Blocking people, I mean. It's like building walls around your heart and guarding it so as not to get hurt. I'll have to admit I'm being very pathetic right now, cause I'm feeling so insecure about everything. You know, when others blog about these kind of stuff, I would think that it's super pathetic and lame. That's what I am right now, Pathetic and lame. Argghh crap, I need to flush this out of my system.

Plus, I'm always sick nowadays. I've got a super bad fever now, my whole body is really heating up and I don't even know why. Probably the ever changing weather. Last night and a few times this morning, I have this super bad throbbing headache. Last night, especially. My head was hurting so freaking bad and when I moved my head a little bit, it hurt so bad that I had to wince in pain. What's happening to me? Old age? :O

Hoping I'll feel better soon. Both mentally and physically.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Be still, my soul.

Haih. I don't know why, but I feel so down now. I honestly don't know why, I mean nothing has changed drastically recently. But yet, there's somehow this feeling that has been bothering me. Weird, huh? Have any one of y'all ever felt it? Like, you're feeling down for some reason but you just can't put your finger on what it is. It's pretty frustrating. Maybe I'll get some sleep :) Hahaha and yes, I'll be alright =)

Here's a pretty nice optimistic song:

JOHN MAYER - PERFECTLY LONELY



Had a little love but I spread it thin
Falling in her arms and out again
Made a bad name for my game round town
Tore out my heart and shut it down

PRE-CHORUS
Nothing to do, nowhere to be
A simple little a kind of free
Nothing to do, no one but me
That's is all I need

CHORUS
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

I see my friends around from time to time
When their ladies let em slip away
And when they ask me how I'm doing with mine
This is always what I say ...

PRE-CHORUS
Nothing to do, nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one to be
Is it really hard to see?

CHORUS
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I'll have to thank the wrongs
That led me to a love so strong

[INSTRUMENTAL]

CHORUS
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
Cause I don't belong to anyone
And nobody belongs --

That's the way, that's the way
That's the way that I want it
That's the way, that's the way
That's the way that I want it
That's the way, that's the way
That's the way that I want it
That's the way, that's the way
That's the way that I want it

Friday, April 29, 2011

Show a little more, show a little less :p

Went out with friends yesterday after so long being cooped up in my house, I feel like a hermit sometimes. Drove to 1Borneo then to McD for lunch with them. We didn't watch a movie this time, which I have to admit was a nice change. So basically, someone has a little wardrobe crisis and we had to help him out a bit :p hahaha So after that went to play pool! Awesome, haven't played that in a long time. Makes me feel so cina beng. What's worse is that they played all sorts of korean songs and I know 2 of them. AHHHHHH!

So on the brighter side, we went to play bumper cars after that. That 5 minutes is still so awesome. But it's like kinda pricey lah, it's RM5 for only 5 minutes >.< After that we went to friggin' bowl. Awesome, huh? I got 3rd out of the 5 people who played. It's pretty good, huh? =)

Also tried the Rest N' Go thingy in 1B. Wasn't super nice, though. Hahaha, I actually prefer it to massage my back harder, but ah wells. Good day spent, yesterday.

So to those who's nice enough to care about what I'm doing now, I'm currently helping in the church in the worship department =) I don't feel so useless anymore! *happy dance*

Missing someone?

Hmmm So I've been wondering, what does missing someone mean?

1. Could it mean that you will notice the huge difference in your life when that person is away?

2. Could it mean that you wants that person to be right next to you?

3. Could it mean that you would do anything to get to them?

4. Could it mean that you want things to be back to the way it was?


So puzzling, huh? Sorry for the random crap. It's how I randomly feel in the middle of the night D:
And of course, because I'm really missing someone >.<

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Worship Practice

So, now I just finished worship practice. It was really good. Went really well, had fun while doing so then went to McD with the team. Learnt a new song called Sing sing sing by Chris Tomlin.

And now, I want to talk about the heart of worship =)) I believe everybody in the worship team should have a heart of worship. We're not just merely musicians, our duty is to help and facilitate the congregation to worship and draw closer to God. It's a pretty big responsibility, if you ask me. While playing, it is so important to show a joyful face as well as worship together. Some people will not worship if they see the worship team not singing and not worshipping. So, you can see how important it is.

I've expressed how I didn't really like Jonathan Tse's way of leading and stuff because he's a perfectionist. But after talking to Cynthia, my cell leader, she told me that he just wants to give the best to God. And so today, I really understood it. I want to give the best, I don't want to give just lame crappy music to God, because like I said earlier, our duty is to help the congregation to worship. So how can the congregation concentrate on worship if there's so much wrong things going on? So, I've grown to love the way Jonathan leads and coordinates. Because, honestly, I'll get offended if Jonathan didn't expect much from us. So, yeah. There's no reason why we shouldn't give the best to God.

So I urge everyone in the worship team, in my church or in other churches, to have a heart of worship. Anyone can just stand up there and strum and bang a few chords and play some beats. But it takes real anointing to be able to worship and play at the same time. Give your best to God, so to God be the glory! =)

25 minutes too late

Hellllllllllllo! I'm sitting down here, feeling so sick man. I've got the flu, sore throat and all. Arghhh I hate this haha then again,who likes it anyway?

I don't even know what I'm supposed to say now. I'm honestly that bored at home. I want to find friends to go out with but it's either they have school or they're not free. Tonight there's worship practice with Jonathan Tse, so wish me luck so he won't have too high expectations on me >.<

Someone ask me out ehh! hahaha I'm dying here lol

Friday, April 8, 2011

Au revoir - Till we meet again

Yo! I just got my driving license yesterday and I'm super duper happy you have no idea. I was like smiling like a maniac when the uncle got it for me. I think he thinks I'm so weird. Sorry lah, I'm super sakkai okeh. haha so happy finally I get to drive around. Speaking of, I was pleasantly surprised when my parents started to let me drive alone the next day, which is today. I mean, I thought they'd be paranoid about it but they're surprisingly OK with it. So yea, I'm not complaining =) So today, I went to CF in school. Went to pick up Denise then went to school together. Danny shared today, about love.

On a more serious note, though. I've been wondering for such a long time now. Wondering to a point where it actually bothers me and made me not have a peaceful sleep. Sounds a bit dramatic, though. haha so today, when Danny talked about love, yet again, I've been hit my this age-old question. How can we possibly know if a person is the One? I mean, yes I know to start any relationship, there must be some point of attraction or 'chemistry'. But...really? I don't know. I mean, I've experienced this so-called 'chemistry' before, but how does anyone know if the other person feels it as well? I mean, normally people would say there's 'signs'. But, I know...or at least I thought I knew these signs and I actually misread it and gotten myself hurt over this. You know how it's like, when people start walking in a desert. Then they say this mirage of water, they in a way, misread the mirage as water. So they get super disappointed when they find out it's not real. But when there is actual water, they get paranoid and walk away from it. It's really frustrating and puzzling sometimes. ARGH! I'm just praying that when she comes, when the person I'm supposed to spend my life with comes, I'll be open to it and I pray that God will make me see and let me know who she is =)

Wow. So emo >< hahaha but ah well, that's what I'm feeling currently. I'm not exactly sad, or anything. Just a bit puzzled and a slight hint of frustration. woohoo! It's friday! the weather is really having its mood swings. Hot and cold....

So random o i change topic. hahahaha.....i'm such a boob.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Here comes goodbye~

The best is yet to come

AHHH today Ze Kuan left for Australia already oh. Might never see him again. Oh no! hahaha gonna miss that dude so much, man. I really look up to him as a person hahaha just pray that he doesn't read this or else he's gonna be feeling so fly haha So today, sent him off at the airport after a few luggage drama and he's off to Perth!
Honestly, he's those really genuinely nice guys I've known, so rare to find hahaha..hope he doesnt read this too.

So on  a happier note, I went for steamboat today with a few of my church friends. I honestly feel like a family to them. Why do I say that? It's because Samantha and Charlotte actually helped me cook the food and like put it in my plate and everything despite Charlotte being 2 years younger than me. Sorry if I sound kinda lame, but it's been a while since anyone's done that to me. hahaha even my own parents didn't that to me for some time. We all had awesome fellowship together, laughing at almost everything, groaning after the super heavy meal and just plain had an awesome time. Then after that went over to Yoyo, Lintas to have a drink despite our bulging tummies. Had another long chat with everyone then headed home. Super long sad tiring afternoon because of goodbyes, but super fun night with friends. Good day spent! =)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Chasing cars

Growing! I'm gonna talk about growing up today. hahaha such an odd topic to talk about. But ah well, since I'm not the most ordinary person in the world, I'll talk about odd things once in a while.

So growing up. I am growing up, as in I'm more mature in a way this year. At least, I like to think that I am. It's so funny how I don't see how I drastically mature as a person during the high school year but months after I finish high school, I feel like I've grown even more mature. Why? I'm not quite sure, but it's possible that it has something to do with my surroundings.

Why do I feel like I'm becoming more mature? I guess because I've outgrown some of my friends. Outgrown as in, I don't get along with them like I used to. I mean, I do love them and all, but sometimes, friends grow apart and that just sucks. See, it's not like I want to drift apart from them, it just happens. But at the same time, you know, I meet new friends and start to share more similar interests. Also, little things that used to bother me last time just don't bother me anymore now. Things like, how some people get mad at me for the most immature and the most unreasonable things. It's not because I'm ignorant or anything, but probably because I simply realized there are bigger things I should worry about.

While in high school, I tend to just study and have fun. That's basically it in high school. So carefree. Now, high school has come to an end, and now I'm one step closer to experiencing adulthood. Real problems arise now. Wow. Things like future, studies, etc are really things you'll have to give a great deal of though about.

And that sucks. Life would be so much easier if everything was readily planned and marked out for us. Like, where we're supposed to go, who we're supposed to meet, who we're supposed to be etc. But, honestly what fun would there be in that? Life's about growing and learning.

So, embrace growth! Embrace change =)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Never say neverrrr~

Heyyoo! Just realized I haven't been blogging for quite a while now. Don't know why I want to continue to do so after such a long while. Don't know what drove me to the website, but ah well. Now that I'm here, I'ma blog!

So life has been pretty draggy for me these few days. I mean, I just laze around my house or go around watching movies and to random events. I'm like not contributing to the society. But it's all gonna change and everything's gonna be decided starting tomorrow. Because that's when my SPM results are gonna come out. I hope if I do get bad results, no one would ask me how I did. Honestly. I don't wanna feel so awkward telling people who expected a lot from me to have splendid results.

So, in the midst of lazing around the house, I realized something. It's just so hard nowadays to find someone who is so genuinely nice and caring. And when you do find someone like that, you can't help but to fall in love with them >.< Because what they have is so rare and I'm someone who can really fall for someone's inner beauty. Someone so selfless, so caring, always so joyful. Someone who feel really comfortable with and you feel like, "Yes, this is the type of person my parents want me to hang out with". OK, that last part was lame. But really. Nowadays, you can hardly find someone who is just so genuinely nice.

OK, I'm hungry. I need to find food.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Day 4: 10 things you want to say to one person

1. I miss spending time with you.
2. I miss smiling to your smile.
3. I miss the way you look at me.
4. I want you to hold me and tell me we'll be together forever.
5. Don't forget me.
6. You mean so much to me you have no idea.
7. I want to see your beautiful eyes.
8. I want to hug you and just spend every moment with you.
9. I miss you.
10. I love you.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Day 3: 10 things you hate

1. I hate backstabbers.

2. I hate inhaling cigarette smoke.

3. I hate ungrateful people.

4. I hate brinjals.

5. I hate going on diets.

6. I hate being sleepy.

7. I hate awkward moments.

8. I hate ulcers >:(

9. I hate goodbyes.

10. I hate my over-sensitive self.

Day 2: 10 things you love

1. I love the rain.

2. I love receiving hand written cards.

3. I love cuddling :3

4. I love my friends and to hang out with them.

5. I love food and desserts!

6. I love music, so freaking much.

7. I love hugs.

8. I love God.

9. I love watching movies

10. I love you ;)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

DAY 1 : 10 THINGS ABOUT YOU

1. I wear glasses.

2. I still fit into my elementary school sports shirt, and I’m 17 now.

3. I can do weird stuff with my shoulder blade and with my jaw.

4. I’m left handed. I only eat and write with my left hand. But the rest like sports, I use my right hand.

5. I play the piano and a little bit of the bass guitar. Like a very little bit. And I play the guitar even less.

6. I enjoy just sitting down and being quiet with my friends. Sure I love being happy and loud too, but it’s awshum if I can sit down with my friends and not talk but feel happy.

7. I’m a big fan of Mariah Carey.

8. It’s hard for me for get over someone :/

9. I hate people who are unteachable.

10. I hate seeing my friends smoking or stuff like that and hurting themselves. I’ll get pissed.

La da dumm

Day 1: 10 things about about you

Day 2: 10 things you love

Day 3: 10 things you hate

Day 4: 10 things you want to say to one person

Day 5: 10 wishes

Day 6: 10 items you can’t live without

Day 7: 10 important people

Day 8: 10 of your favorite songs

Day 9: 10 ways to win your heart

Day 10: Final 10 words

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Maybe...

1.Maybe…we were supposed to meet the wrong person before we meet the right one, so that when we finally meet the right one we know how to appreciate them…

2. Maybe…it is true that we don’t know what we have until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until it arrives…

3. Maybe…the brightest future is always based on the forgotten past, after all you can’t go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistake, failures & headache…

4. Maybe…you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human & enough hope to make you happy…

5. Maybe…the happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way….

6. Maybe…the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch & swing with, never said a word, then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had…

7. Maybe…happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched & all those who have tried for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives….

8. Maybe…you should do something nice for someone every single day, even it is simply to leave them alone….

9. Maybe…there are moment in life when you miss someone…a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child…so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams & hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more..

10. Maybe…giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back, don’t expect love in return just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t, just be content that it grew in yours…

11. Maybe…you should dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life & one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do….ENJOY EVERY MOMENT..

Lesson on hate

Hey guys! Here's what I want to talk about. HATE!

The world's not a peaceful place. No matter how many bimbos tell you that it is, it's not. There's so much conflicts going on, so much hate, so much war. So, what can we do to lessen this?

Simple. Don't hate. Sometimes, it may seem as if the easiest thing to do is to hate. But then, it doesn't solve anything. Trust me, I know. I used to be the kind of person who would just hate someone for doing something mean to me. But, really? That kinda just shows how immature I am. I'm not saying I'm mature now. But I am learning and I am trying to be.

For example, if someone offended you, don't hate him. Wait for an apology. If it comes, then good. If it doesn't come, don't hate him. I mean, it's good to apologize but then you can't hate someone just because they don't apologize for what they did wrong. Just continue smiling and hold you head up high. Think of the good things that that particular person had done and how much worse your life would be without him.

But if you really can't think of any, you don't have to hate him. You don't have to like him either. Just be neutral. Just have nothing to do with that person. Because if you do hate that person,

PERSON YOU HATE - 1
YOU             - 0

I'm basically saying that if you hate that person, you only create bitterness to yourself. So, cheer up! (: Forgive and forget. It'll give yourself some much needed peace too! :)

Love everyday


 Joshua.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Was I weak? Or were you strong?

It's a story of a boy. Who has this huge crush on this girl for more than a year now. He confessed to her that he has a crush on her. It was awkward at first, but soon it got better.

Then the night every high school student is waiting for. Prom night. He asked her to be his date to prom. He thought they had chemistry, but sadly, another guy beat him to it. Crushed, this boy put on a straight face and tried to shrug it off.

When prom night came, he was planning to ask her to slow dance with him. But yet again, her date beat him to it. So, he just watched them slow dance by the side. Every move they made crushed a little bit more of his heart. Every smile they shared took away a smile from his face. Again, this boy put on a straight face and tried to shrug it off.

Now, this girl is leaving to another place. Migrating to another place. And this boy won't be able to see her for a heck of a long time. And it's just killing him. Now he had to get through his life without seeing another one of her smiles, feeling another one of her warmth, hearing another one of her laughs. But this boy put on a straight face and tried to shrug it off.

But now, when he's all alone in his room, he can't. His heart broke into a million pieces as he thought of what never can be. Hoping a friend would understand his pain. Wishing someone would be next to him. But it was 1.45 am. Who would be there next to him during that time? During the wee hours of the morning?

F*ck.